The Adventures of Sirius Black
by evil-pillow
Summary: As title says it's the adventures of Sirius Black.'Zainey, insaney, and down right cookey' Lucie Berrybottom from Insiders, outsiders, everywhereders'Absollutely laughable' Elizabeth Keys from Happy Hotel Magazine.penname change!used2b:evilpillow
1. INTRODUCTION

Disclaimer: I own Sirius….okay…I don't own him….BUT I will soon :insert evil laugh: and I don't own Harry Potter…:cries:

A/N: just so that some of ya'll don't get **too** confused….the first little part of this chapter is in script format so that it would be easier to tell who is who.

A/N: I don't think violence is the answer to anything...but the little gnome inside my head thinks otherwise...

MA is Matthew Akima

AND

SB is our own Sirius Black

Now on to the story!

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The Adventures of Sirius Black-- 

Intro--year:-

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MA: Yo! I'm Sirius Blac-- 

SB: SHADDUP AKIMA!

MA: I'm not that dangerously handsome 'Gryffindor God' Matthew Akima! I'm that stupid little, ass hole, Sirius Black!

SB: I am NOT stupid! And YOU are NOT MOI! YOU are NOT dangerously handsome! YOU are also NOT the GRYFFINDOR GOD! I AM!...wow...I just confoozed myself...

MA: …………………………and your point is?

SB: ……….:punch:

MA: Owwwwwwwwwiiiiiiie :faint:

000

Hello. My name is Sirius Black! That bastard over there who thinks he's my friend is Matthew Akima. Here is a warning for all of you: avoid anyone with the last name Akima at all COSTS! They're psychotic and weird and very, very scary. But anyway…we're straying from the subject…which is...ME!

You are about to read 'The Adventures of Sirius Black' :claps happily:

They are in random order but next to the title the nice lady, that I'm paying to put these up for me, will be uber nice and will write the year that I am in at the time of that specific 'adventure'. (ex. The Adventures of Sirius Black--Into the hall of darknessnesseses!--4th year).

Have fun!

And don't forget to review or else the nice lady that I'm paying won't put up the next chapter of my life and we all don't want that to happen, do we:menacing glare:

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Review Please! Yah...do that...yah...oO

Read the sad little thing uptop that I call an Author's Note if you're confused.


	2. The Bathroom of DOOM!

Disclaimer: Don't own Harry Potter...nope...not at all.

**Caution: mentions crack. If you don't like it, don't read it!**

pillow: Sorry if anything in here offends anyone...the turkey made me do it I swear!

turkey: cluck! cluck! cluck! wobble! wobble! bobble! cluck!

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The Adventures of Sirius Black--

into the bathroom of DOOM!--3rd year

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_Sirius' POV (after hours)_

"Damn. Shit. Damn. Shit. Damn. Shi--"

"Sirius, could you please stop cursing?"

"Huh?" I turned around to see Shadow in all of his dark glory. "Oh, hey Shadow. Long time, no see? Wait...aren't you supposed to be with Mimi?" I asked.

"Hm? Oh...she's in the classroom to your left."

"What's she doing in there?" I asked.

"After hours...?" He said.

"Huh?"

"After hours...with someone of the opposite gender?" Shadow slowly rocked his head right and left and had his palms to the sky as if it was obvious as to what his mistress was doing.

"Sorry dude...I've got no idea what the hell she's doing." I said.

"Are you bloody stupid?" Shadow asked. "She's snogging the living daylights out of some 4th year!" He yelled.

"Shadow...keep your voice down or Filch will hear us." Mio said as she stuck her head out the classroom door. "Oh, hey, Siri!" She grinned and then slamed the door shut.

"Ewww...was that Micheal Savoy? He's a man slut!" I said, disgusted.

"I know." Black dog ears with silver on the tips popped out of Shadow's head as he sighed.

The door of the classroom started shaking so I quickly thought of a way to get out of there or else Shadow would have me sitting in the middle of the hallway until Mio was sick of snogging(which could be a LONG time).

"Well...uh...I've got to go...M.T. Minnie's gonna have my head if I'm late...BYE!" With that I ran into the nearest boys restroom which was a quarter of a mile straight ahead so Shadow could still see me once I was there. Which sucks...alot...'cuz he knows I lied to him...and lying to him is like lying to Mio...'cuz she beats you up after she knows you've lied to her...and that always hurts...alot.

I heard him say something, but it didn't make sense. He said: 'ait! 'iris! Dun yo in tha' fatrum! It's hunte'!

...Whatever that means...

Well...yeah...sooo I went into some bathroom...far, far away from that guardian, man slut, and...Mio.

I looked around and saw that there was only one toliet unlike the four that were usually in a bathroom.

That was my first sign that something was not right.

The second sign was the moaning that came from the toliet.

The third was the fact that there was a ghost pacing right in front of the toliet stall door.

"So, there's a line for this bathroom as well?" I asked quite cunningly if I do say so myself.

"ACK!...erm...Why art thou in this...erm...loo?" asked the ghost.

"Uhh...I was running away from my friend, who was snogging the hell out of some man slut,her guardian, andthe bastard who calls himself a caretaker and his cat...that a good enough answer for you?" I grinned.

"Wha?"

Aha! He's dropping his 'I talk weird therefore you have to answer all my questions! NA NA NA NA NA!' act!

"Aha! You're dropping your 'I talk weird therefore you have to answer all my questions! NA NA NA NA NA!' act! I knew that I would be able to over power you at sometime! MWAHAHAHAHA!" I laughed oh sooo sexily.

"Dude...ya on crack or sumthin'?" the ghost asked.

"No, I'm not...though some of the Slytherins are...or at least I think they are. They surely act like they do. Why are you asking? Do you want some? Or something? You know it would be very hard for you to use it and stuff, 'cuz, well, you're dead."

"Dun dis the ghosts, man!" the ghost said while putting his hands on his hips and leaning on his right leg...or what should be his right leg. God...this ghost is confusing me!

"I'm confoozed!" I whined.

"Dude...than stop gettin' urself confused!"

"Dude...stop calling me dude then!" I yelled.

"Well...like...I'm like...sorry...okay? Like?" the ghost said...in a very familiar way...

It reminds me of someone...or something I heard...once...

Then it dawned on me...

This was the fifth floor boy's bathroom...

The one that houses...

Gregory...the Gay...

Oh...shit...

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Review!

Blah, I say! Blah!


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